blaggot:

ke$ha should’ve released cannibal this year

it would’ve been perfect with all the shit going on in florida

Hey i just met you
And this is crazy
I found some bath salts...
.. Your face looks tasty

how my mother works
me: mom i got all A’s
mom:
me: mom i cleaned the whole house
mom:
me: mom i don’t do drugs and i’m not pregnant
mom:
mom: is this your cup on the table?
me: yes
mom: you never do anything right i do for you all day long and you do nothing for me but stress me out you are so out of control you are grounded if you think you had no life before you just wait i cant believe you treat your own mother this way get out of my sight

(Source: personali--tea)

(Source: heydontjump)

(Source: destroy-x)

mom: you realize normal people don't have such strong feelings about the oxford comma
me: THE OXFORD COMMA IS IMPORTANT
mom: you realize this makes you a nerd
me:
mom:
me: i had a party with the strippers, george bush and barack obama
me: i had a party with the strippers, george bush, and barack obama
me: without the comma, you are implying that george bush and barack obama are strippers
mom:
me:
mom: this isn't normal

I do believe it is my bed time.

Anon, post un-anon and we’ll talk later.

But like I said, I’m happy and madly in love with my girlfriend. But I don’t mind becoming friends with you.

Anonymous asked: she can not be that great

She is the greatest thing to happen to me, what are you talking about. 

Anonymous asked: i am sorry! this for i did not mean! i want to make feel special. yes?

I understand that, and appreciate that. But, my Sammi does that for me. She makes me feel like the only girl in the world.

Anonymous asked: i do not have to.

You’re seriously creeping me out.

Anonymous asked: i wish it were me with you. you are amazing.

You don’t even know me….

I am this dumb.

(Source: mermaidcunt)

iwillbeyourgoal:

lorimort:

confusedastronaut-:

hotdamncarlospena:

WHAT ARE YOU WEARING JAKE FROM STATE FARM?

uh… khakis

she sounds hideous

well she’s a guy, so